We Don't Just Excel, We Axel

Disclaimer:  I've written a small disclaimer for these articles on jumping over on this link . Reading it isn't obligatory, but it does cover a lot of ugliness that I don't want to type every time I write one of these, so if you're about to pick me up on the finer points of jump execution then please read that first! The Toe Loop You run a money laundering operation, I keep telling you not to, but that hasn't stopped you yet. It's a  typical day for you as a money launderer (whatever that looks like, you tell me) and you're just on your way out of the house to pick up some ill-gotten gains. You step your right leg forward and raise your left foot heel off the floor so just your toes are touching the ground. In this position, you suddenly realise you've forgotten your keys, you clutz! Still facing forwards, you push down through your left toes into the floor behind you, with the intention to pivot to the left on them so that you can reach your keys...

Personally, I think all skating progression carries a degree of risk and, in the pursuit of jumping perfection, then you fall a lot . I literally cannot emphasise how much falling you do. However, I don't want anyone doing themselves a mischief because of the insanity I'm going to be spewing in the upcoming articles, so I am putting together a little disclaimer that goes a little something like this... I am not a trained skating coach and I strongly recommend that you learn any and all skating elements with assistance from a coach. That said, attempting the jumps isn't THAT dangerous at all unless you're a total maniac, so while the below can all be attempted off ice, no liability is accepted for your own fooling around when attempting any of them, whether on or off ice. Watch out for any objects nearby. Furthermore, none of my jumping explanations are intended as a comprehensive primer on jump execution, they're largely intended as a simplified, jokey versio...

Previously in my quest for the vaunted single Axel , I experienced an unpleasant series of injuries and MY GOODNESS did those injuries become the bane of my skating pretty much over the course of the last two months. It turns out that you can't drop hard on your hip as an adult, twice, without repercussions, which is a shame, because like all reckless, young men (I'm not sure I can keep claiming I'm 'young' but hey ho), I like to think of myself as indestructible. In the weeks following my injuries, I endured pain in my hip whenever I climbed stairs or tried to do basic stroking on the ice. Life was sad and skating was making me miserable. I had no motivation to try anything because I was in pain and not trying anything meant I wasn't progressing, which made me not want to come in and practise, which set my progress back even more. I confess that the reason my blog's posting rate suffered lately is almost entirely because I just haven't been in the ...

I have always wondered the secret to the dashingly youthful looks that so many ice skating coaches have. The Tammasaurus once explained that the chill of the rinks that they spend so much time in provided enough of a cryogenic freezing effect to keep their skin nice and taut as they age. Never has the Tammasaurus spoken more untruth than in that moment! This reporter comes to you now with what he believes to be the true source of the stunning looks that our venerable ice skating coaches continue to sustain not through the rink's natural benefits, but through the evil draining of young childrens' energies! I stumbled into this sinister plot while doing the most innocuous of acts: finishing off my time on the evening patch session with a few poor attempts at improving my upright spin. Typically I'm the only adult on this session (not counting the coaches) and the rest is made up of kids that have come straight from school to practise. Little do they know the disturbing...