"Do you ever practise your spins?"

My face every time the Tammasaurus asks this:

PLEASE TAMMASAURUS, I LOVE YOU, DO NOT MAKE MY PRACTISE MY SPINS. I KNOW I NEED TO, BUT I AM AN INCAPABLE CRETIN THAT WAS NEVER MEANT TO SPIN!

And she just looks at me...


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Learning the Lutz

Image
"THIS IS OBSCENE!" I cried for the tenth time that session. About a month ago, the Tammasaurus and I started seriously working on the Lutz jump. I've said before while learning the Salchow that I thought it was a fairly contrived piece of nonsense at the time (it's actually one of my favourites now), but anyone that's familiar with the Lutz will I'm sure agree that it is a similarly insane piece of body shenaniganary (not a word). It's also the Tammasaurus' favourite jump, so I mentally prepared myself to disappoint her for a while as I got up to speed with it. I'm currently writing up a humorous description of the execution of the Lutz in a separate post, but the general gist is you glide on a back left outside edge and twist your top half (arms and all) round to the right, far beyond what you think would be comfortable for any human. When settled in this position ("settled," hah!) then you reach back with your right foot and smack...
Read more

Backchatting the Tammasaurus

Image
From my lesson today... Tammasaurus : Backwards outside 3 turns. Me : Sure. I've never taken the time to detail in my blog what these are, but, essentially, they're your bog standard 3 turns done backwards instead of forwards - the post I linked to mentions them towards the end as there was a time when I thought of backwards 3 turns in horror... In truth, I'm still mostly terrified of them. The key difference to the backwards version is that instead of using the front part of the blade (the rocker) to do the turn then you have to use the considerably spicier  heel section of the blade. Much like the rocker, the heel part of the blade minimises the amount of blade contact with the ice so that rotating your foot is easier. The spicy part comes in that you have to sort of lean back into the turn, put all your weight in your heel (with its deliciously minuscule amount of blade contact) and just hope you don't go over backwards onto all manner of delicate body part...
Read more

Rink scandal! Child skaters used in occult coach ritual!

Image
I have always wondered the secret to the dashingly youthful looks that so many ice skating coaches have. The Tammasaurus once explained that the chill of the rinks that they spend so much time in provided enough of a cryogenic freezing effect to keep their skin nice and taut as they age. Never has the Tammasaurus spoken more untruth than in that moment! This reporter comes to you now with what he believes to be the true source of the stunning looks that our venerable ice skating coaches continue to sustain not through the rink's natural benefits, but through the evil draining of young childrens' energies! I stumbled into this sinister plot while doing the most innocuous of acts: finishing off my time on the evening patch session with a few poor attempts at improving my upright spin. Typically I'm the only adult on this session (not counting the coaches) and the rest is made up of kids that have come straight from school to practise. Little do they know the disturbing...
Read more